Go – the path to forgiveness
Series: Simple. Quiet. Present. | Bible text: Colossians 3:13; Matthew 5:23–24; 18:15
Forgiveness begins with the courage to face the truth: hurts must be acknowledged and dealt with. Jesus challenges us to reach out to one another – both when others have wronged us and when we ourselves have been hurt. Forgiveness is not forgetting, nor is it trivialising the issue, nor does it automatically lead to reconciliation. It is a process and, at times, a conscious decision. Because Christ has forgiven us, we can let go, leave judgement to God and experience new freedom.
This spring, we ran the course «Love – Failure – Life» at seetal chile. On the final evening, the participants shared their experiences. Several of them said: «For the first time, I’ve understood how forgiveness actually works.»That sentence has been on my mind. Because After all, forgiveness is a core quality of every person who follows Jesus. We have a Lord who forgives us – and he calls on us to pass on that forgiveness. That is why I made a decision for myself back then: as a church, we should consciously address the topic of forgiveness at least once a year.
There are words spoken by Jesus that challenge us. For example, this short phrase: «Go on then!» Jesus says this in two different places. And the interesting thing is: both times, it’s about conflicts. But the situation is exactly the opposite in each case. On one occasion, Jesus says: «If someone has a grievance against you – go to them.’ On the other occasion, he says: ‘If you have a grievance against someone – go to them.’ We humans, on the other hand, are all too familiar with the attitude: ‘He should make the first move.»Jesus says twice: ««Go on then.»
Go there – if the other person has a grudge against you
Jesus says: «Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there it occurs to you that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift» (Matthew 5:23–24 LUT).
Imagine this: you’re at a church service. You want to encounter God. And suddenly it occurs to you: there’s something standing between me and another person. And Jesus says: «Go on then.» Take responsibility for your part in this. But this immediately raises an important question: «What does forgiveness actually mean?»
Because sometimes we think that forgiveness means: «Let’s just forget about it. It’s all right.»But sometimes, nothing is right at all. An injury is an injury. Wrong is wrong. And the truth hurts. A woman called Nora endured years of abuse – as a child and later as an adult. She writes: «”It almost broke me … ‘as we forgive those who sin against us’ … As a Christian, I was supposed to pray this petition from the Lord’s Prayer, but I just couldn’t!»She was so desperate that she thought about giving up her faith. Then she received a card from a friend: «God can heal broken hearts, but to do so he needs all the pieces.»
That sentence stayed with her. She began to offer every aspect of her life to God – not just the good bits, but the dark ones too. Years of therapy and pastoral care followed. And eventually she was able to forgive – at first, only in her mind. Every day, she prayed anew that God might help the terrible images of her past to fade away. It was a process. And eventually, she was even able to bless the very people who had hurt her. What a story!
And it highlights something important: Forgiveness does not begin by suppressing the truth. It begins by laying the whole truth before God. Perhaps you can’t say today: «I have forgiven.» Perhaps all you can do is pray: «Jesus, I want to forgive. But I can’t quite manage it yet.» That, too, is a start. After all, forgiveness is often not a one-off event. Forgiveness is a journey.
Go there – if you’ve got a bone to pick with the other person
Now Jesus turns the perspective on its head. «But if your brother sins, go and rebuke him in private. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over» (Matthew 18:15 LUT).
Now I’ve been hurt. Now I’ve got a grudge against the other person. And Jesus says again: «Go on then.» Forgiveness does not, therefore, mean that I keep my hurt to myself. Sometimes the first step towards forgiveness is actually to finally say: «That hurt me.» But then the question arises: What do I do with my anger? What do I do with my desire for justice?
An Israeli soldier named Deborah Ben-har experienced the Hamas attack on Israel on 7 October 2023 and, later, the confrontation with captured terrorists. She recounts that she once asked God: «Why is it wrong for me to want him to suffer?» She wanted justice. She did not want to love. She did not want to pray for this person. And then Jesus« words came to her mind: «Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!» (Matthew 5:44 NLB).
She struggled with it. And finally, she thought of Jesus on the cross: «Father, forgive these people, for they know not what they do»(Luke 23:34 NLB).
And she formulated a crucial thought for herself: «Forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a decision – and an act of obedience.» I think that’s powerful. Because we often wait for a feeling. If, at some point, I no longer feel anything, then I’ve forgiven. But perhaps it works exactly the other way round. I decide to place the other one from my hand into God’s hands. I choose not to be the judge myself. I choose to leave the judgement to God. And sometimes the feelings come later. Perhaps only after weeks. Perhaps after years. Perhaps over and over again.
In this context, we need to make a very important distinction: Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. Reconciliation requires two people. Forgiveness can begin with just one person. If someone abuses you, hurts you or repeatedly breaks you down, forgiveness does not mean that you have to trust them again. It does not mean that you are not allowed to set boundaries. It does not mean that you have to put yourself in danger again. And no one should ever say to a victim: «If you are truly a Christian, you must forgive now.» No. Forgiveness is not a new law laid over an old wound. It is a gift from God, into which we are allowed to grow.
Forgive – just as Christ has forgiven you
And now we come to the crux of the matter. Paul writes: «Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must forgive one another» (Colossians 3:13 LUT). That is the key sentence. We do not forgive so that Christ may forgive us. We forgive because Christ has forgiven us. Our forgiveness does not begin with us. It begins with Jesus. Look at the cross. There we see a God who does not trivialise sin. The cross does not say: «It’s not as bad as it seems.» The cross says: «Sin is a serious matter.»But at the same time, the cross says: ««Your guilt doesn’t have to hold you captive forever.»And that can apply just as much to the guilt of others.’.
In October 2025, the father of 16-year-old Julius L. was forced to watch as his son was killed in a knife attack. What does forgiveness mean in the face of such a loss? It would be presumptuous to say to a father: «You must forgive now.» But this man said something that really struck a chord with me: «If we want to carry on living – as parents, as a family – we must – and we want to – forgive. And, thank God, we are able to forgive.»
That’s the other side of it. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that I say: «It wasn’t that bad.» But rather: « »It was awful. Absolutely awful. But I don’t want that evil to destroy my future as well.» For a lack of forgiveness can keep us tied to what has happened. The other person may well have moved on long ago. But I carry them with me. His words. His actions. My anger. My hurt. Forgiveness can break this bond. Not by changing the past. But by preventing the past from determining my future. Perhaps that is why forgiveness sometimes means: «God, I can’t forget. But I don’t want to be ruled by this story any longer. I can’t change what happened. But I don’t want my past to determine my future any longer. I can’t change the other person. But I place him in your hands.»
Three steps towards forgiveness. Go to them if they have a grievance against you. Take responsibility for your part in it. Go to them if you have a grievance against them. Do not suppress your hurt. Speak the truth. Set out on the path to forgiveness. And finally: forgive, just as Christ has forgiven you.
Not of our own accord. Not because the injustice isn’t serious. Not because the other person deserves it. But because you yourself live by a far greater grace.
Perhaps there’s someone sitting here today thinking: «I cannot forgive.»Then perhaps you don’t need to reach your goal today after all. Perhaps your prayer today is simply: «”Jesus, I can’t do it. But I’d like you to guide me along this path.»That’s enough for today. Perhaps there’s someone you know who…«I hurt him.» Then Jesus says: «Go on then.»Perhaps there’s someone about whom you know: ««He hurt me.» Then Jesus says: «Go there.» Not necessarily to sort everything out straight away. But to take the first step.
After all, forgiveness often does not begin with a grand emotion. It begins with a small step. «Go on then.»And we do not walk this path alone. For the God who calls us to forgive is the same God who forgave us first. That is why we can come to him empty-handed. And rise again through his grace.«Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you too must forgive.»
Possible questions for the small group
Read the Bible passage: Matthew 18:21–35
- In what situation am I currently finding myself where Jesus is saying to me, «Go there»? Is there anyone I should try to talk to, or towards whom I should take responsibility?
- Which hurt am I finding particularly difficult to let go of? What might it mean to bring this hurt before God without downplaying it?
- What, to me, is the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation? In what situations might it be important to forgive whilst still maintaining healthy boundaries?
- Is there anyone I keep thinking about, even though the situation itself is long over? To what extent might a lack of forgiveness still be tying me to that person or to what happened?
- «Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must forgive» (Colossians 3:13). What changes when I take my own forgiveness through Jesus as my starting point – rather than my own ability or my feelings?
