Expectations vs. waiting
Series: Simple. Quiet. Present. | Bible text: Psalm 73:28
Our actions are driven by expectations. For Jesus, however, it is clear that only one thing is really important: to seek his closeness. He waits patiently for us. The more we seek his presence, the more we will realise how precious his closeness is.
Malou will be a big sister in August and we are really looking forward to it. Damian and I come from large families and so it was our great wish that Malou would not grow up without siblings. However, my husband and I had very different roles in our respective families of origin. Damian is the first-born of four siblings, the carer, role model and mediator. I, on the other hand, am by far the youngest of five siblings, a classic latecomer. As you can imagine, I grew up with all the advantages of an only child and the benefits of a large family. I was always allowed to come along everywhere, because you certainly don’t organise a babysitter for just one child. However, I was always too small for housework. My older sister thought it was great to spoil me, but of course my three older brothers didn’t really like it, as it meant they had to do the washing up all the more often. It really characterised our dynamic as siblings. If you come from a family with several siblings, you probably know this too. There is a story in the Bible, one of my absolute favourites, where you can really feel this sibling dynamic. For me, it’s a story that shouldn’t be missing from the theme of the year «Simple. Quiet. Present.»
Marta and Maria
It is the story of Martha and Mary. We can read about it in Luke 10: «As Jesus travelled on with his disciples, he came to a village where he was taken in by a woman called Martha. Mary, her sister, sat down at Jesus» feet and listened to him attentively.Martha, however, was constantly busy entertaining her guests. Finally she came to Jesus and asked: «Lord, don’t you see that my sister is leaving all the work to me? Why don’t you tell her to help me?«But the Lord replied to her: «Martha, Martha, you are worried about so many things and take so much trouble. But only one thing is really important and good! Mary has chosen this one thing, and no one can take it away from her» » (Luke 10:38–42 HfA). It’s just four verses, but do you also sense this dynamic? Perhaps it was not the first time that such a conflict had arisen. Jesus was invited to Martha’s house. It suggests that Martha was the older sister. Even though they lived in a culture where it was generally normal for women to entertain men, it was perhaps still a little more the duty of the older sister than the younger. Perhaps it was also normal in their childhood that Marta, as the older one, had to help more and Maria was always a little too small for that. But that could have fuelled Marta’s frustration. I imagine Marta standing in the kitchen, kneading the dough for the flatbread and chopping the chickpeas for the hummus by hand. «It’s like always, Maria leaves me to do all the work alone. She wouldn’t dream of helping. She never thinks, she never sees what needs to be done.» Then there might be this inner dialogue that you think up because you already know exactly how the other person would react. Of course, you don’t say any of this out loud. No, Marta chooses a much more subtle and skilful way.
At last here is an authority figure that Maria listens to. Perhaps this is finally the chance to get her sister to help her. But as we can read in verse 42, this shot backfires. Jesus says quite clearly that Martha is wrong and that Mary is doing the only right and important thing. But why? Hospitality is also an absolutely commendable quality from a biblical perspective and Martha makes such a good start to this story. She is the one who invites Jesus to her home. But then she takes a completely wrong turn. In Jesus» response, we see that something that looks good on the outside can still be the wrong thing to do. To be clear, hospitality really is a wonderful thing, but there are good reasons why it is devalued in this story. We can read about Marta’s driving force in verse 41: «But the Lord answered her: «Marta, Marta, you are worried about so many things and you take so much trouble» » (Luke 10:41 HfA). Marta’s intention is not only to conform to the customs of her culture. She is worried and goes to great lengths to do so. Martha is driven by the fear that she might not fulfil the expectations of those around her and also her own expectations. I dare say we are all driven by this fear from time to time. It is a fear that drives us to achieve more and more and to strive for perfection. Because it’s never enough, I always have to do more. We set the bar incredibly high for how we should behave as a good father, good mother, good employee or boss, as a good daughter, good son and also as a good Christian. So high that we are hardly ever able to achieve this goal. This frustrates us and this demand, coupled with the frustration, leads us to follow Marta’s example and begin to transfer these high expectations to those around us.
The expectations I have of myself as a mum are huge. I thought that when we had children we would only eat home-made bread and lots of vegetables from our own garden, that we would always tidy up all the toys straight after playing and that I would sew any children’s clothes we didn’t have myself. However, I only have very limited resources and can’t manage to fulfil these requirements. Instead of lowering my standards, however, I get frustrated and take this frustration out on my daughter. I expect her to postpone her need for mum’s closeness and to occupy herself quietly for as long as possible. My high expectations of myself turn into high expectations of my neighbours in no time at all. This results in a spiral of expectations that spirals up to infinity. But an even worse consequence is that it not only drives us emotionally away from other people. It drives us away from God. Those who are always concerned with the expectations of others and themselves unfortunately miss the fact that HE is waiting for us far too often. Just as Martha invites Jesus, but misses out on being close to Him.
Moses and Aaron
Until now, you may have thought that it wasn’t really any of my business. Of course, you’ve nodded dutifully because you know how much your wife, girlfriend or that one over-motivated employee at work is driven by expectations and the urge for perfection. You may even think that excessive expectations are something that affects women more. Women react more to such subtle, non-verbal demands. Perhaps they do. Perhaps it works a little differently for men, but with the same result. There is an even more famous sibling couple in the Bible, two brothers. To be honest, their story reminds me very much of the story of Martha and Mary. We heard about them in the reading. It’s about Aaron and Moses.
The incident I am talking about is found in Exodus 32–33. In Matthias» sermon a few weeks ago, we looked at a few verses from chapter 33, which dealt with how Moses repeatedly withdrew to the tent of meeting. I’d like to interject a little beforehand and give you a brief outline of what happened. God used Moses and his brother Aaron to lead the people of Israel out of their oppression in Egypt, accompanied by mighty signs and wonders. They are now on their way to the land that God promised their ancestors and where they would live in freedom and abundance. At Mount Sinai, Moses goes up the mountain, fasts and meets God, who gives him instructions for the people. Meanwhile, Aaron is with the people. The people become impatient and place their expectations on Aaron. I would like to say that Aaron has at least given some thought to how he should react, but in the biblical text it seems more as if he reacts very abruptly and impulsively. He sees a problem and offers the next best solution. He reacts promptly to the expectations of those around him. Would he still have got on well with Martha?
With Martha it was everyday things, whereas with Aaron it was about spiritual expectations. I would argue that the consequences of Aaron’s behaviour were significantly more fatal than those of Martha. He not only distanced himself from God, but also caused an entire people to turn away from God. If we take responsibility for others in spiritual matters without seeking God, this can have devastating consequences. Contrast this with Aaron’s brother Moses. He too has a love for the people and seeks their best interests. He takes on the responsibility that God has given him. First and foremost, however, he does not turn to the people. He goes to God. He goes to the tent of meeting again and again.
What determines our actions?
Your actions are either determined by the expectations of others and your own expectations of yourself or by the great promise that He Himself, Jesus, Son of God, is waiting for you. It is your decision. What is the first thing you do in the morning? Is it a grateful look up to your Creator, who gives you a new day, or a glance at your mobile phone? And what do you fill your mind with before you fall asleep? How much time do you spend on your mobile phone, in front of the TV or on your laptop and how much time do you use to come into God’s presence? When it comes to seeking the presence of God, I would advise you to do three things: be radical, be creative and be consistent.
If you’ve been listening for the last 20 minutes and kept thinking, that’s all well and good, but your current life circumstances simply don’t allow for extended periods of silence, then be radical. Don’t just accept it! Change something about your circumstances. There are very few things that really can’t be changed. You can change jobs and give up hobbies, but if you have a family, it’s less easy. In that case, my advice is to be creative. In the last two years, the meeting place for me has changed again and again. First from prayer times at all possible times of the day on the prayer stool in our living room, with candle and scented oil, occasional fasting and prayer diary, to Bible reading and praying during the eternally long periods of silence, on to afternoon prayer walks with baby in the forest and now to Bible reading, prayer and prayer diary on the sofa in the living room during my daughter’s nap.
Once you have overcome these two hurdles, all that remains is to stick with it. Sometimes it is a struggle to take these times, but the struggle is worth it. Because the more often you win it, the more you will realise how incredibly precious the closeness and presence of God is. I would like to close with a verse from Psalm 73:28a: «But I can always be close to you, that is my whole happiness!» (Psalm 73:28a HfA).
Possible questions for the small group
Read Luke 10:38–42 together
- What does your tent of encounter look like? When and how do you seek the presence of God in your everyday life?
- When was the last time you tried something new to seek God’s closeness? E.g. fasting, painting, going for a prayer walk, praying psalms, etc.? Be courageous and try out new ways.
- What helps you to switch off the external and internal noise and enter into silence?
- What is it for you? Do you need a radical change, a creative solution or «simply» to stick with it?
