Of holiday and other frustrations
Are frustrations just as much a part of life as moments of happiness? How do we cope with moments of frustration in life?
Welcome home to all those who are back from their holidays. Hopefully you have many happy things to tell. Hopefully everything was just right: the weather, the food, the excursions, the bed, the togetherness as a family, as a couple, or among friends! After the best holidays, coming home is also something very nice for many: the familiar four walls again, the familiar bed again, the familiar food again – it’s all so nice. And the mothers are also happy when the children soon return to school… How much we could tell each other about holiday joys and perhaps also holiday frustrations! Everything looked so much nicer on the homepage! The weather was so bad and the food a disappointment. The mattress was too hard… the service was bad! Suddenly someone gets ill, or an accident happens. Rosmarie once broke a toe on the first day on the beach… What a frustration! Or it can all start off beautifully. Everything is right: the weather, the accommodation, the food – but then, during the holiday programme, it happens. Mum wants to read, dad wants action. The interests are so different. They all have their own needs. And now? Who wins? The strongest? At first you swallow empty; then the first frustrating words fall – and finally it gets hefty! In families with children, this situation is almost pre-programmed – the more children, the more ideas, notions and hopes… and suddenly the mood is in the toilet! «I would like to go home again!» – «It pisses me off, I always have to do what the others want.…» Different hopes and expectations collide… That happens in the most beautiful holidays!!! Despite the best conditions!!!
I would like to approach the subject of frustration with you this morning and will do so in a three-step approach:
- Experience frustration
- Combat frustration
- Managing frustration
Experience frustration
It is often said of holidays: anticipation is the greatest and most beautiful joy! Why do they say this? We can imagine it so beautifully in advance… We want to have a lot of time on holiday: to sleep in, to relax, to enjoy, to do things… we are really looking forward to it! We have high hopes and our expectations grow from day to day before our departure. And suddenly we are pre-programmed by our ideas! Why? Because we know exactly what we want!
It’s exactly the same in everyday life. I don’t want to address the issue only in relation to holidays. There are so many things we hope for: That our health will get better. That the situation at work will change. That we get a better grip on the monthly budget… One or the other is frustrated by the job; they had imagined the job differently. They hardly have any time left for their personal life; for silence, sports and family!
And it is similar in the life of faith. We are filled with spiritual hopes and expectations! We have had good conversations with friends – now we hope that they will come to worship one day. We know that God hears our prayers. Now we expect a corresponding response from Him. On the way with Jesus, we hold fast to the promises of the Bible. It is there, black on white… and again we experience it differently and are frustrated. We expect to experience God in everyday life – at work, in the neighbourhood, in the family, in the house group, in the church group… and yet we experience so little.
Hoping and expecting are motors of life: they are in keeping with creation and very positive! God knows about our hopes and He wants us to hope! It is justified that we hope. If we no longer expect anything and stop hoping – then all is not well with us! Especially when it comes to spiritual things. If we give up hope, we distance ourselves from Jesus. But we have to stay with him, because we can learn a lot from him. For none of us has experienced anything but a similar level of frustration as he did: His family distanced themselves from him. His disciples behave completely out of line. The very people of God, who should be very close to him, are on the sidelines. Enthusiastic followers suddenly turn their backs on him.…
In the end, we can really ask ourselves: Are frustrations just as much a part of life as moments of happiness? How do we cope with moments of frustration in life?
Release frustration
Because we can’t stand frustration for long, we have developed pseudo-solutions that we think are effective and helpful.
a) There is the suppression.
For the sake of peace, we keep quiet and keep everything bottled up. We pretend to the outside world that everything is fine – until it really becomes too much and one day our collars burst. Silence is not gold this time, but scrap metal! No solution – it doesn’t work!
b) Or we keep our distance.
We avoid the problem. We put it on the back burner. There is no solution anyway, etc. But deep down we are dissatisfied and disappointed. No solution – not possible!
c) We give up! We come to terms with the circumstances! – as the saying goes!
This is perhaps how the solution sounds in terms of holidays:
- We go on holiday separately!
- Never again in a tent!
- Never again to the sea or anywhere else…!
Sounds like a solution – but it’s not that simple!
What solution are you hatching for your frustration? Do you want to just up and leave? Change jobs? Change your wife? Change the car? Change the church? Never go back to a small group? Drop everything? Forget everything? Let’s go!
There are even biblical examples of this: Peter said after Jesus» death: «I’m going fishing! I don’t care what you have in mind, I’m going fishing!«Promptly a few more disciples go with him. The Emmaus disciples go home. «That’s it?! Let’s go, we’ve lost nothing here. Bye!«There are other examples from contemporary spiritual life. How many Christians have done evangelistic work in their neighbourhood, in their circle of acquaintances, but no one has ever come to faith in Jesus. In this frustration they have given up: «It’s no use anyway!» Or they stop praying: «It’s no use anyway!»
Silence, getting angry, giving up, rash actions – the consequences of frustration are manifold! That’s why it’s important that the third thing we ask ourselves is how we can cope with the frustration.
Managing frustration
The following thoughts are from Max Lucado (from Max Lucado, «Formed by God», Francke-Verlag, 2004): When a potter fires a vessel, he must test its stability. He takes it out of the kiln and pushes it hard. If it makes a singing sound, it is finished. If it makes a muffled sound, it goes back into the kiln. An empty letterbox, when mail is urgently expected. A new dress, put on for the first time and already a tear! A missed train connection. A failed meal with guests. A huge holiday disappointment. Another rejection of a job application. These can be such powerful nudges. They hit us without any warning!
How do I deal with it? Do I sing brightly? Or do I drone dully? Lucado gives three tips for «Dumpflings» on how to deal with it
- Begin to give thanks for every nudge – not ironically with clenched teeth, but cheerfully! («Consider it a very special reason to rejoice, my brothers and sisters, when you have to go through trials of various kinds.» James 1:2 NGÜ). Because every nudge reminds us that God is shaping and educating us. Draw your lessons from every nudge. Every nudge will hurt or benefit you, depending on how you classify and respond to it.
- Think about where there are «kick-off rush hours» in your life. How can we deal with these times? By arming ourselves with an extra charge of prayer and not giving up.
- Remember: All impulses are for the good of those who love and serve God.
as far as Max Lucado is concerned.
We see: A frustration is not a catastrophe, but a chance to get to the bottom of true values. Disappointments are positive because we become disillusioned and can discard a delusion. In this way we can realise the truth about ourselves, about our false expectations and desires, as well as about our wrong reactions, our bad way of life or our wrong priorities. If we are frustrated, we may need a long walk or a quiet room. Or a counterpart to talk to; to pray together.…
So we come
- in conversation with God. We are to put into words the frustration before him. John the Baptist sat in prison frustrated. John sent people to Jesus with his questions. How good we have it today that we can talk to Jesus everywhere. Frustration melts hope like ice in these temperatures. But prayer resurrects hope! In the Word of God we find confidence to continue to dare something and to trust anew. Before God we also discover where we have failed and find courage to correct ourselves or even apologise. Thus we come anew
- into conversation with the people who have contributed to our frustration. Those who live on forgiveness themselves become more merciful towards their fellow human beings. They are also allowed to make mistakes and hope for forgiveness – just like us!
Where have you experienced such impulses lately? What frustrations does God use in your life? Where does he want to shape your character? I wish you much patience for your situation, stay close to Jesus and continue with him. Let’s not forget: God works on the character of his children through everything, be it through something that gives you trouble or something you can be happy for. As a potter, he has only one goal with you: to form a masterpiece!
Amen.
Possible questions for the small groups
- Tell each other about frustrating experiences and how you dealt with them
- Jesus experienced frustration – and the disciples? Count them up!
- Do any examples from the Old Testament come to mind?
- Make out a to-do list, prioritised by what to do in a frustrating experience.
- Do you have people with whom you can share frustrations?
- Can you see positive gains from your frustrations?
