Josef – Coming to terms with the past
Series: Like you and me | Bible text: Genesis 50:17–21
Being spoiled by his father, rejection and betrayal by his vengeful brothers, all the injustices in Egypt – Joseph seems predestined for a victim role. How can someone cope with such a past? The key was the renunciation of taking on God’s role, the trust in God’s goodness and the desire to live his life for God’s glory.
Our prisons are full of people who, on closer inspection, experienced a bad childhood with sad experiences. A father who repeatedly acted out or was absent, a mother who acted overwhelmed or overprotective, a teacher who made them a slug, unwanted child. How can such a past be overcome? Joseph also had a few deep impacts in his biography:
- Joseph grew up as the favoured and spoilt child of his father Jacob, who loved him more than all his other children.
- God gave him two dreams that made the situation worse and drove his brothers to fury against him.
- The brothers planned Joseph’s murder, but then sold him as a slave to Egypt.
- Joseph was innocently thrown into prison, even though he had proven himself to be a God-fearing man.
- He was forgotten by the cupbearer, whom he had predicted would be reinstated.
The father’s pampering, the rejection and betrayal of the vengeful brothers, all the injustices in Egypt – Joseph seems predestined for a victim role. How can someone cope with such a past? Apparently Joseph succeeded in this, for he said more than forty years after he was sold as a slave by his brothers, to his brothers who had just asked him for forgiveness:
«Do not be afraid of me. Am I in God’s place? As far as I am concerned, God has turned everything evil that you have planned to good. In this way, he wanted to save the lives of many people. So do not be afraid. I myself will take care of you and your families.» So he reassured them and spoke kindly to them» (Genesis 50:19–21 NL). Why was Joseph able to overcome his past despite his terrible experiences and, as a result, live a life of freedom and reconciliation?
The term «coming to terms with the past» was coined after the Second World War. It was about the question of how the German people could deal with the guilt, the burden and the oppressive feelings of the past, the injuries and the victims of the Holocaust. We understand this to mean that someone comes to terms with his or her painful past by the person experiencing healing of the injuries suffered. In most cases, a pastoral counsellor helps in this process. Every person – regardless of their history – should one day come to terms with their past.
Renouncing the role of God
When their father Jacob died, Joseph’s brothers became afraid. They feared that Joseph would now take revenge. So they cautiously pleaded with Joseph: «That is why we ask you to forgive us. We serve the same God as our Father» (Genesis 50:17b NL).
How would you have reacted? This was a unique opportunity to exercise power over the brothers from a position of prestige. The temptation is huge to keep the brothers in debt. You then have control over them and can let them stew a bit. «To forgive is to release a prisoner and to recognise that this prisoner was you.»(Lewis Smedes). Joseph did not give in to temptation. On the contrary, he revealed his soft, malleable heart: «[…] When Joseph received the news, he had to cry» (Genesis 50:17c NL).
Joseph did not want to have the upper hand, but went on to say: «Am I in God’s place?» Behind this question is a humble heart that submits to the hand of God. He had told his brothers before: «God sent me here before you so that He might miraculously keep you alive and some of you might remain. Yes, it was not you who sent me here, but God! And he has made me Pharaoh’s chief adviser – lord over his whole house and ruler over all Egypt»(Genesis 45:7–8 NL). Joseph trusts in a God who pulls all the strings together. He does not see himself as a victim of his circumstances, his overly loving father or his jealous brothers, nor as a victim of a tyrannical God who arbitrarily rules over his life or as a victim of a powerless God who is incapable of making Joseph’s life more just, pleasant and without suffering. Such a victim attitude and bathing in the sea of self-pity is alien to Joseph.
A past that is unjust and painful in our eyes easily leads us into the temptation of self-pity. This attitude has serious consequences, for it opposes the Gospel at its deepest core for two reasons, namely forgiveness and reconciliation:
- A victim mentality sees the blame only on the next person and therefore needs no forgiveness itself. That is why such a heart remains entangled in its own guilt.
- A sacrificial attitude comes from the pride of the heart and does not want to pass on forgivenessbecause then the role of the victim would be invalid. But this makes reconciliation impossible.
Followers of Jesus who remain in the attitude of sacrifice do not need Christ, because they do not see themselves as people in need of salvation. Only humble people acknowledge that they need a Saviour. All human beings, no matter how many times one has «fallen short» in one’s life, is also a perpetrator. Joseph’s behaviour as a 17 year old ’snob» was out of line, prideful and narcissistic. No one is just a victim. Everyone is also guilty before God and other people and is therefore also dependent on forgiveness. Coming to terms with the past is always about both – receiving forgiveness and granting forgiveness.
Abraham Lincoln, US President from 1861–1865, was at a public event and had just had a longer conversation with a man. The conversation ended and the President departed. On his way out, he spoke to one of his advisers about the previous encounter. «I don’t like his face», Lincoln said. «But a person can’t help what kind of face they have», the counsellor defends the man. «But», Lincoln replied, «everyone is responsible for their face once they have passed forty.«Lincoln did not mean to say that we can influence what colour our eyes are or how much hair we have. But what expression is on our face is up to us. In fact, our facial expression is an expression of our inner self, a kind of mirror of our soul. We are not responsible for what happened to us in life. But we are responsible for how we deal with it as adults, whether we stay with the old, let it determine and paralyse us – or persistently seek God’s blessing. No matter what life wound you bring, God wants to give you more abundance, bless you more and use you more.
«Am I in God’s place?«There are pastors who advise people to really accuse God once and throw anger and pain at him. God will bear it. In his book «God in the dock», C.S. Lewis writes the following lines: «God is in the dock.Ancient man approached God in the attitude of the accused who comes before his judge. For modern man, these roles are reversed. He is the judge – God sits in the dock. Certainly, he is a benevolent judge. If God should have a reasonable defence for being the God who allows wars, poverty and pestilence – then man is ready to hear him. The trial could even end with God’s acquittal. But the bottom line is: man sits in the judge’s chair and God in the dock.» There is no God who leaves us sitting on the judgement seat and sits in the dock. A humble heart will complain before God, the Judge, but never rise up on the judgment seat and accuse.
Trust in God’s goodness
«As far as I am concerned, God has turned all the evil you planned to do to good»(Genesis 50:20a NL). Two things are absolutely necessary for coming to terms with the past: First, Joseph does not trivialise the evil he had to experience at the hands of his brothers. He addresses it openly and directly. Secondly, it holds the realisation that God works all things for our good.
In reappraisal processes, I repeatedly see young people coming to the defence of their parents and saying: «They hurt me deeply, but they were also victims of their circumstances and actually meant well.» This is nice and considerate, but does not lead to healing and reconciliation. The causes of the hurts must be spoken out so that someone can concretely forgive and bring the guilt to the cross.
The story of Joseph illustrates an important truth: God does well! He had a good intention with everyone: the brothers, the father and also with Joseph. God used their vile deeds to save his people. Dung becomes fertiliser. God has the unique ability to create a beautiful world out of chaos. Joseph could have hurt other people in turn because of the injuries he suffered. This is the normal cycle that is constantly repeated in our world. This «vicious circle» can only be broken if we hold on to God’s goodness and faithfulness. Joseph held fast to the fact that all things are for the best to those who love God (Romans 8:28–29) – even in the midst of injustice. There is much injustice on this earth. We seek justice. Where do we find it? Here is the answer: «For he made him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that in him we might become righteousness in the sight of God.»(2 Corinthians 5:21 Lut). Jesus is righteousness, he bestows it upon us so that we may call it our own. We only find justice with Jesus!
Living for God’s Glory
«In this way he wanted to save the lives of many people» (Genesis 50:20b NL). Joseph looked behind the scene and discovered the big story. Through the heavy lot that met him, something great happened: a great people was kept alive. This honoured God. Joseph accepted God’s sovereign guidance in his life. Justice and the glory of God were more important to him than the fulfilment of his desires and lusts. Joseph was allowed to be an important piece of the puzzle in God’s great work of redemption. We will never be this in the same sense as Joseph. By recording the sovereign guidance of our Saviour and the goodness of God in our lives, we reflect the glory of God in a righteous way and thereby increase His honour, glory and praise in this world. For dealing with the past, it is of great importance that we seek God’s glory. Through this focus we increase His honour, glory and praise in this world. We become a blessing for those around us.
The linchpin of all coming to terms with the past is forgiveness. I need forgiveness from God and people for my guilty behaviour. I grant forgiveness to other people because God has forgiven me the much greater debt. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, but «I will remember their misdeeds no more»(Hebrews 10:17 Lut). Forgiveness is the renunciation of continuing to suffer from what I have suffered, to be limited and to be a guardian before the prison of my offenders. It is a decision of the will that sets in motion a process of reconciliation. The result is freedom for all. People who have overcome their past become a blessing, salt and light, for those around them. It is no coincidence that Joseph’s reconciliation process ran parallel to the blessing of the sons of Jacob and the sons of Joseph. (Genesis 49).
Possible questions for the small groups
Reading the Bible text: Genesis 50:17–21
- What thoughts might have gone through Joseph’s mind when his brothers were served to him on a platter?
- What is the gain of someone living in the victim mindset? What is the downside of it?
- Why is a sacrificial attitude diametrically opposed to the Gospel?
- To what extent have you dealt with your past or do negative experiences have an influence on your life?
- What does a forgiveness process look like in concrete terms?
