Restoration with yourself!
Series: CREATIO | Bible text: Genesis 3:7–12, Mark 15:37–38
Ever since Adam and Eve ate of the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil, shame entered their lives. To this day, shame dominates our lives and interferes with people’s ability to relate to each other. Just as Adam and Eve made clothes out of fig leaves, we too cover our inner shame in various ways. In doing so, we quickly fall into a shame-guilt spiral. But Jesus» death on the cross has cleared the way to myself. He wants to free me from shame. Since shame drives a wedge between human relationships, the easiest and most effective way to remove it is by revealing one’s own shame to other people.
I still remember my godmother’s wedding very well. I don’t remember exactly what year she got married, but I was around 11 years old. I had a very close relationship with my godmother and enjoyed spending time with her. When I got older, her visit was always a big highlight for me. I would go all out and help my mother cook. We always had the same menu – party fillet. Yes, my Gotti was something special and so I looked forward to her big day. I didn’t like to wear shirts at that time, but I remember buying a shirt especially for the occasion.
But on this evening, two things happened which were infinitely embarrassing for me and for which I felt very ashamed. The guest gift that evening consisted of small pictures I had painted myself. Since I loved to paint, I couldn’t resist making my contribution. But it came as it had to and due to my great zeal, a little of this yellow acrylic paint landed on my shirt. I was infinitely embarrassed and unfortunately it was impossible to remove it completely that evening. But that was not enough. At this party, everyone had to introduce themselves. At the same time, they had to name their relationship to the bride and groom. I sat together with other godchildren. I thought about what I wanted to say. I went up and down the line. Before me was a girl who said something like «My name is XY and I am Mirjam’s Gottimeitschi». And when it was my turn, I stood up and said «My name is Cédric and I’m Mirjam’s Gottimeitschi» and bang – all the people laughed and I almost sank to the ground. I was so embarrassed and ashamed that I couldn’t even manage this simple performance without embarrassing myself.
1. Shame – the invisible barrier in your life
All things that cause shame in life are an invisible barrier in life. Because you have to separate yourself from others so that they don’t see these areas. Unfortunately, it can happen that shame makes us partially incapable of having a relationship. We are afraid to make this side known. The paradox of the whole story with shame is that no one likes to feel ashamed, but is willing to laugh about it when others are embarrassed.
I would like to tell a story about this invisible barrier that shame can play in our lives. In August 2020, a good friend of Andreina’s got married. As she was the maid of honour, I was also invited to the whole party and was allowed to sit at the same table as the bride and groom. Due to the pandemic and because I hadn’t known Andreina that long, I knew practically no people at this wedding. This is basically not a problem for me. When there was dancing at a late hour, a colleague of Andreina’s approached me and challenged me to a dance battle. I can’t dance, but I can always fool around. So I went along with it. As I was about to squat, my trousers tore from the back to the middle of the seam, revealing my underwear from behind. Luckily Andreina had sewing kit from the bride. So we retreated to an adjoining room. So I stood there in my boxers and held the trousers out to Andreina so that she could mend them and just at that moment a waiter came in.
I felt exposed at that wedding. And in the Bible we also encounter a story in which the protagonists felt ashamed because of their nakedness. When God created the earth, he made a garden and put Adam and Eve in it. They were allowed to eat from all the fruits except those from a certain tree. For a long time this went well and they kept to it. But one day the serpent came and persuaded Eve to eat of the fruit. She enticed her with it by promising that they would then be like God and would be able to distinguish good from evil. This argument convinced her and so Adam and Eve ate of this fruit. «At that moment, the eyes of the two were opened and they suddenly realised that they were naked. So they wove fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. When it became cool in the evening, they heard the Lord God walking around in the garden. So they hid themselves among the trees. The Lord God called out to Adam: «Where are you?» He answered: «When I heard your footsteps in the garden, I hid. I was afraid because I am naked.» » (Genesis 3:7–10 NLB). By eating the fruit, the people rebelled against the only commandment God had given them. And this awareness of violating a divine commandment led to shame for both of them. This manifested itself in them being ashamed of their nakedness. Until now, people lived together with God, but now shame came into their lives and put a wedge between them.
Adam and Eve’s first reaction after eating the fruit was to take fig leaves and make makeshift clothes out of them. Although they were only among themselves, they could not bear it and were ashamed of it. Analogously as Adam and Eve covered their shame so do we. We let very few people in on the areas in our lives that we are ashamed of. We cover our shame through humour, narcissism, stupid sayings or whatever. So shame is not only a barrier to God, but also to other people. So there can be a feeling that says «If people really know me, then they don’t love me anymore». Therefore, it is important to keep a low profile. What are you ashamed of in your life? What fact in your life are you so ashamed of that it is a barrier in your life to relate to other people?
2. Shame-guilt spiral
But in our lives there is not only shame, which can be an inner barrier. There is also guilt. I can be guilty either of people or of God. Often we tend to dismiss these two things as one. But this is not the case. Shame and guilt are related, but they are not identical. Shame concerns being human and has to do with identity. Adam and Eve were naked and this led to shame for them. They felt a part of their identity to be shameful and wanted to hide it. Guilt, on the other hand, is always active. Either I do something or I don’t do something. Guilt is often connected to an act. Adam and Eve actively ate from the fruit. This made them guilty towards God because they ate from the only fruit they were not supposed to eat from. God’s reaction also shows that the things one is ashamed of are not bad per se. Who told you that you were naked?» asked the Lord God. Have you eaten of the forbidden fruit?» (Genesis 3:11 NLB). God does not ask the question of shame, but of guilt. Adam and Eve hid because they were naked. They felt shame because of their nakedness. When shame is involved, you often feel guilty for something even though you don’t have to. Adam and Eve’s problem is not their nakedness, but what they did.
But shame can quickly turn into a shame-guilt spiral. Who hasn’t experienced it? When small children have siblings, something very special suddenly happens. The older siblings suddenly discover how practical it is in a certain area to have smaller siblings – because they cannot defend themselves. If they do something they shouldn’t, it causes them to feel ashamed. But this is very difficult to handle, so they often blame it on the younger siblings. They can’t defend themselves. And if I am completely honest, I always have to be careful not to fall back into such a behaviour pattern. Shame is easy to cover up by blaming someone else or pointing out their shortcomings. This is where the shame-guilt spiral begins. Shame comes first, but it is harder to bear than active guilt. So you deliberately make yourself guilty, you do or don’t do something. This in turn leads to more shame and one asks oneself the question «Am I capable of such a thing?». So that this shame due to guilt is then easier to bear again, one makes oneself guilty again on purpose. This is how the shame-guilt spiral continues.
This was also the case with Adam. He was confronted by God. And what was his answer? From my point of view, a deeply human one. «The woman, replied Adam, whom you set by my side, gave me the fruit. And therefore I have eaten thereof» (Genesis 3:12 NLB). Adam talks his way out of it. Yes, Eve gave the fruit to Adam to eat. But he had a choice. He could have said no. Therefore, it is not okay for him to blame Eve afterwards. Moreover, he still almost blames God. The woman you gave me seduced me. If you had not given her to me, this would not have happened! Adam wanted to completely escape responsibility. But he has brought guilt upon himself and therefore he must also answer for it. As a consequence for their actions, Adam and Eve must leave the Garden of Eden. The guilt they had brought upon themselves has separated people from God since time immemorial. But God also saw their shame and therefore he made clothing for them out of a skin.
It is crucial to know the difference between shame and guilt. Because with shame, my identity is affected. With shame, there are phrases above life like «I am not worthy!» or «I am not lovable!». These have no real anchor point. With guilt, on the other hand, it is my doing or not doing that is affected. Here I am very much guilty, because I could do otherwise. The Fall led to shame and guilt coming into people’s lives.
3. The curtain of shame is torn apart
Since shame affects our identity, it also does something to us. We do not feel complete, not loved. Therefore, we try to shield our innermost against the outside. But there is a way to regain positive access to myself. Jesus Christ wants to restore the relationship with yourself.
Jesus Christ died on the cross and after three days he rose again from the dead. But the decisive thing for restoration to yourself happened at the moment of his death. Jesus was nailed to the cross. To his left and right were two other people. Death on the cross is one of the most painful. By being on the cross, you are slumped over. But in order to breathe, you have to push yourself up with your legs. At some point, however, the strength fades and you suffocate. The following is written about Jesus» last seconds: «Then Jesus cried out loudly and died. At that moment the curtain in the temple was torn in two from top to bottom». (Mark 15:37–38 NLB). It is easy to read over this note. But there is an extremely great symbolic significance in the tearing of the curtain.
The temple was the cultic centre of Jewish religiosity. In simplified terms, this was divided into four areas. One was an area to which non-Jews also had access. This was followed by a large forecourt where sacrifices were offered. In this forecourt was the temple, which in turn was divided into two areas. First came the sanctuary, where the priests were allowed to enter regularly to perform certain ritual acts. Then came the Holy of Holies. Only the high priest was allowed to enter there once a year. There he had to reconcile the people with God. The sanctuary and the holy of holies were separated by a curtain. The way to God was only possible through a mediator, the high priest. The curtain shows the separation of man and God that took place in the Garden of Eden.
Precisely this curtain was torn at the time of Jesus» death. This made it visible that the separation of God and man was overcome through Jesus Christ. Jesus carried all your shame and guilt with him on the cross and died for it. In doing so, he took away everything that separated us and opened the way to the Father. On the cross, the nakedness of Adam and Eve is overcome in a figurative sense. The fig leaves and the clothes God made for her showed that she had lost direct access to God. Instead of a life marked by the closeness of God, her life was marked by guilt and shame. This is true for all people. But through Jesus» death on the cross, the distance has been overcome. The curtain of shame is torn. I can enter fully into God’s presence and need not be ashamed. But not only is my identity restored, everything I do or don’t do is forgiven through Jesus. Guilt and shame no longer have a separating function towards God.
However, although shame no longer stands between God and me, unfortunately it can still be an inner barrier to other people. One way to overcome the power of shame in your own life is by sharing it with others. Find a person you trust and try to break down that curtain of shame by talking about your shame. This has an immensely healing effect. Because shame, as I said, is about identity. As a church we offer two good opportunities to do this. One is in prayer after the sermon. Another possibility is the small groups. There, you walk together for a longer period of time and exchange ideas. You have until the end of March to register.
Possible questions for the small group
Reading the Bible text: Genesis 3
- How do you react when you feel ashamed? What are your defence mechanisms so that other people don’t discover your shame?
- What are you ashamed of in your life? What fact in your life are you so ashamed of that it is a barrier in your life to relate to other people?
- Are you aware of the shame-guilt spiral in your own life?
- Do you see the difference between shame and guilt? What did you notice that was new?
- What «sentence of shame» is written over your life?
- What prevents you from talking openly about your shame?
