Sex as an expression of lust or love
Series: Metamorphosis | Bible text: Matthew 5:27–30
Summary: In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus speaks in a few words about sex as an expression of lust and as an expression of love. God as the inventor of sexuality talks about it in a very relaxed and helpful way. The first call to man was to be fruitful and multiply. And then came the Sabbath. God has given us two things: sexual life as a joy to express love, and the gift to control the urges. This sermon is about the basics on the subject and less about answering individual questions.
Today we listen to the music of heaven in matters of sex, love and lust: «You know that it says: Thou shalt not commit adultery! But I say to you, anyone who looks at a woman with a covetous eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart.»(Matthew 5:27f NGÜ). Sex is one of the strongest urges in human beings and affects us all. Admittedly, it diminishes somewhat with age. Sex is also something very private and personal. The inventor of sex is God. Man could not invent something so beautiful by himself. That is why the Bible talks about it a lot. For various reasons, the church has failed to talk constructively about sex. In our society, sex is talked about very openly and a lot, although not always in a helpful way. It is all the more important that we Christians learn to talk about this topic in a beneficial way.
Sex as an expression of love
Already on the first pages, the Bible describes the positive sides of sex. In the course of the Bible we also encounter some restrictions because sex can be abused. First, God commanded, then, to prevent abuse, he set limits.
«Thus God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created them, male and female he created them»(Genesis 1:27 NLB). God created us as sexual beings: as man and woman. And then: «And God blessed them and gave them the command: Be fruitful and multiply, populate the earth and take possession of it»(V.28 NLB). The first commandment God gives to human beings: Have sex and beget children – and that under the blessing of God! This is immediately followed by the Sabbath, where there was plenty of time for practice. In the so-called second creation account, God speaks: «It is not good for man to be alone. I want to create for him a being that suits him» (Genesis 2:18 NLB). This creation also has a goal: «Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.»(V.24 LUT). Being one flesh is a way of expressing sexual communion. From the beginning, there was the idea of conjugal community.
Thank God we also have laws so that sexual abuse, rape and child abuse can be punished. Dealing with sexuality must be regulated. Uncontrolled sexual activity that does not come from love but from lust leads to enormous pain and destroys people. In our society, sensual satisfaction is writ large. Getting it is like a virtue. If someone lives a sexually abstinent life, he is called a spitfire, if not a neurotic. There was a time when abstinence was a great virtue and giving in to the urges was a weakness..
Unfortunately, Christian thinking is not only determined by the Bible, but strongly by traditions. Augustine, a church father from the 4th century, had a great influence on this. Before turning to Christ, he led a very dissolute sex life. Afterwards, he fell off the horse on the other side and saw something negative in every sexual activity. A statement of his: «The reason a child is born in sin is because it was conceived through a sexual act.» In the Bible, it is a gift from God that he blesses. Many church fathers were so sex-hostile that a lack of offspring was noticeable. Therefore, they declared sex to be a sin only with the exception of procreation. The following quotation goes back to Jerome (4th century): «Any husband who has passionate sex with his wife is an adulterer.«Later there was the following regulation: sex for Christian married couples was forbidden on Thursdays (arrest of Christ), Fridays (crucifixion of Christ), Saturdays (in honour of the Virgin Mary) and Sundays (in honour of deceased saints). This left Mondays and Tuesdays and sometimes Wednesdays, which were often reserved for a particular saint. Married couples also had to abstain sexually during the 40-day fasts before Christmas, Easter and Pentecost and on various holidays. This left an estimated 44 days for legitimate sex. This was an effective contraceptive, but also explains why church and sex somehow did not go together. Since God is the inventor of sex, it should be different.
First of all, the Bible speaks only positively about sex. It is a gift, even a sacred duty: «The husband shall not deprive himself of his wife; the same applies to the wife towards her husband. The wife gives her husband the right over her body, and likewise the husband gives his wife the right over his body.»(1 Corinthians 7:3,4 NLB). That almost sounds like work. When entering into the marriage covenant, we promise mutual voluntary submission to the partner. It is a matter of leaving father and mother, clinging to the partner and becoming one.
During sex, the bonding hormone oxytocin is released, which strengthens the bond between the partners, as in the case of a nursing mother to her child. Sex is much more than sexual union. It is the union of two people who have made a promise to each other, namely to submit to each other. Sex is God’s wedding gift, so to speak.
Sex as an expression of pleasure
Often it works differently: everyone remains the master of his or her own life. Mutual voluntary submission and becoming one are missing. One stays together as long as it fits. «Anyone who looks at a woman with a covetous gaze has already committed adultery with her in his heart.«Adultery is not only a reason for divorce, but is already divorce. If you unite with another person and the sexual act is the confirmation of a marriage, the sexual act is in itself already the divorce.
Lust and desire are not the same as sexual desire. All people who are healthy have sexual desire. That is why two young people fall in love. Lust is something else and is concerned with satisfying one’s own desire. I need or abuse the other person to satisfy my desires. Thus lust turns out to be the opposite of love. Love seeks the good of the other.
Amnon, a son of David (2Samuel 13), falls hopelessly in love with his half-sister Tamar. He became so obsessed with her that he fell ill. Together with his cousin Jonadab, he hatches a plan to get Tamar into bed. Tamar was lured to his house and baked cakes for him. Then he lured her into the bedroom with the cake and raped her. «After that, his love turned to hate and he hated her more than he had ever loved her. «Get out,» he ordered her.»(V.15 NLB). This was not love, but only lust. Lust is always destructive. Lust is about how I am satisfied. Love looks at the partner being happy.
What can we do to resist lust? «If you fall by your right eye, pluck it out and throw it away! It is better that you lose one of your limbs than that you be thrown into hell with your body intact. And if you fall by your right hand, then cut it off and throw it away! It is better that you lose one of your limbs than that you go to hell with your body intact.» (Matthew 5:29–30 NGÜ). If we were to take this text literally, we would all be blind left-handed. Jesus here addresses the sense of sight and the sense of touch, which tempt us to sexual sin. There are social groups that cut off the hand of a thief. The problem is: if you cut off the right hand of a thief, you will have a left-handed thief afterwards. The heart, from which all evil thoughts and also adultery come (Matthew 15:19), is not changed.
Therefore, we are not to remove body parts, but to bring the urges under the control of truth. The gaze must not lead to desire. Martin Luther said: «You can’t stop a flock of birds from flying over your head. But you can prevent it from nesting in your hair.«We should learn to control our senses. The most important thing is to talk to a trusted person about our lust and desire. If we don’t, these things get a lot of power in our lives. The most important sex organ is the head. The content we occupy our thoughts with will determine our behaviour. A big problem today is internet pornography. I was told that in the USA 64% of Christian men and 15% of Christian women consume pornography monthly. With the money that is turned over in the porn industry, you could save Greece. The propaganda says that pornography fuels sex life. The truth is that people who consume pornography increasingly experience less pleasure from real sex.
It is no secret that a woman can seduce a man through lascivious looks, facial expressions or gestures. According to Jesus, however, the root of sexual sin is not the woman but the man’s behaviour towards her. God has given us two things: Sexual life as a pleasure for the expression of love as well as the gift to control the urges. The Bible is very clear that Satan is the tempter who wants to bring us down. Paul was not a masochist, but knew that he had to discipline himself. He speaks of iron discipline with which he forces his body to obey (1Corinthians 9:27).
Solomon often speaks about self-control. E.G.: «[…] it is better to have self-control than to conquer a city»(Proverbs 16:32 NLB) or «A person without self-control is as defenceless as a city with torn walls»(Proverbs 25:28 NLB). A man without discipline offers no resistance when temptation comes. The consequences are fatal. Our body is a wonderful servant, but a terrible ruler. We have to tell him who’s boss every now and then. An experienced life companion said that people who bite their way through strenuous tours and push themselves to their limits every now and then are also more controlled in other areas of life. Therefore: things like not eating for a day, getting up early every now and then, walking for a long time until it hurts, are healthy because it becomes clear who is the master and who is the servant. What is sad is when my body determines how I behave. Learning to deal with desire and lust is probably the hardest struggle in our lives. God has given us many things to enjoy, which we should use in a disciplined way: Eating good food is a cause of great joy, but also of illness if used incorrectly. Beer is refreshing and delicious, but in the wrong measure it not only ruins you, but also those around you. Sex is pleasure and can create life. But when pleasure is the driving force, much pain and suffering results.
Jesus threatens the failure in this area with hell. We don’t have to take this literally either, as it contradicts the whole Gospel. The question at the gates of heaven will not be, «How did you do with sex?» but «How do you do with Jesus?» But – a failure to keep creates distance from Christ. Jesus challenges you: discipline yourself! Don’t take it lightly! Dance to the music of heaven! Then God, through His Holy Spirit, will free our minds from impure thoughts and set us free to deal with one another.
Possible questions for the small groups
Read the Bible text: Matthew 5:27–30
- God is the inventor of sex. Think about why God ensured procreation in this particular way.
- Why does the church often have an uptight relationship with this issue?
- Sex is God’s wedding gift. What was the reasoning behind this statement? What do you think about this statement?
- God has given us sex life as a joy to express love as well as the gift of controlling urges. How can we practice self-control and discipline?
- Why is self-control important? What does it have to do with lust and love?
