Ja, ich will – seetal chile Predigten

Date: 9 May 2021 | Preacher: Matthias Altwegg
Series: Metamorphosis | Bible text: Matthew 5:31–32, 19:3–10

Hint: This sermon has been machine translated. Please note that we cannot accept any responsibility for the accuracy of the content.

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus also speaks about marriage and divorce. Because the marriage covenant is fundamentally holy and indissoluble, he does so very restrictively. The only reason that legitimises divorce and remarriage is fornication. Jesus can probably only set such a high standard because he creates a new heart in his followers and thus enables them to be faithful and to love.

Marriage is a cloister that God has chosen to make us more like Him. Metamorphosis pursues the same goal. This means that marriage can be a catalyst towards God-likeness. That is why Jesus in his teaching on virtue, in the Sermon on the Mount, also speaks about marriage: «You have heard that the Law of Moses says: «A man may divorce his wife if he gives her a bill of divorcement». But I say: If a man divorces his wife – unless she has been unfaithful – he makes her an adulteress. And whoever marries a divorced woman also commits adultery»(Matthew 5:31–32 NLB). God is not concerned with regulating divorces fairly through legal rules. Rather, it is about promoting covenant virtues such as faithfulness and love. He wants us to be so shaped in our hearts by the music of God that we begin to live our lives automatically in harmony with His music.

Marriage

The basic principle in Judaism is: marriage is sacred. This is even expressed in the name for marriage: kiddushin means Sanctification. In a Jewish wedding ceremony, when the groom puts the ring on the bride, the whole wedding party shouts loudly: «Mekudeschet, Mekudeschet, Mekudeschet!» – Sanctified! Sanctified! Sanctified!

Holy is that which belongs to the holy, to God. For God, marriage is something so great that he made it the image of his love for us humans: «I enter into marriage with you for all time; my bridal gift to you is my help and protection, my love, my mercy and my unchanging faithfulness. You will recognise who I am – I, the Lord»(Hosea 2:21f GNB). Some people think that marriage is a human invention and culturally dependent. According to the biblical worldview, it is an original invention of the Creator, which includes legal aspects (civil marriage) as well as the making of the covenant before God.

Jesus says: «Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder!»(Matthew 19:5f LUT). According to God’s unbreakable faithfulness to us, we are also to be faithful to each other in the marriage covenant. (cf. Malachi 2:16). John Ortberg: «A marriage vow is such a moving, wonderful, frightening sentence because we are dealing with a lifelong promise. We are dealing with a covenant. A silent echo of God’s vow of his never-ending love for us.»

Sometimes spouses whose marriage became complicated say: God didn’t put us together at all, it was our own doing. But the point is that marriage itself is sacred and instituted by God. From the moment Silvia and I said yes to each other, we knew it was over, because God had joined us together. Now there is no way back. Divorce is not an option. Any problems that arise now must be resolved or they will spoil our togetherness. No wonder the disciples said to Jesus: «Then it would be better not to get married at all!»(Matthew 19:10 NLB).

The romantic idea that marriage must always be fun, always happy, young and beautiful comes from Hollywood, but does not correspond to reality. Marriage is sometimes also a rocky road. If we want to last, we have to forgive again and again, be humble, give in, compromise. Some couples don’t know for sure until they walk down the aisle whether it is the God-given partner. Yes, I do! It is a decision to grow old together with God’s help. Even if the initial feelings of happiness fade, one must know: My current marital happiness is not as important as the long-term development of my character through my marriage.

Divorce

The fact that Jesus talks about divorce makes it clear that he also expects it. It existed among the people of Israel, it will also exist among Christians. The Torah says: «Suppose a man marries a woman. Later he no longer likes her because he finds something objectionable about her. He writes her a letter of divorce, gives it to her and sends her away.» (Deut. 24:1 NLB). The reason for divorce: Because he finds something offensive about her. There are two different interpretations in Jewish tradition:

The School Schammais says: It is exclusively about fornication and whoredom or when the man finds out on the wedding night that she is no longer a virgin.
The School Hillels on the other hand, says: Something offensive is also when a woman burns a dish or commits the crime of growing old.

The question of the Pharisees in Matthew 19:3 aims at these two interpretations. They wanted to know whether Jesus belonged to the more liberal or more conservative school. Jesus does not answer this question, but shows what marriage means. That marriage is a sacred covenant and that sex seals that covenant.

Jesus mentions a single clause that entitles a man to divorce his wife: «Unless for fornication» (Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 LUT). The Greek text says porneia. That this concept cannot be equated with adultery is shown by the fact that Jesus says: «From the heart come evil thoughts such as murder, adultery, fornication […].»(Matthew 15:19 NLB). Adultery was more than a reason for divorce in the Judaism of that time, adulteresses were stoned to death. What does porneia? In the overall context of the New Testament, three meanings are found: A dissolute lifestyle in general, idolatry (cheating in the spiritual sense) and sex outside marriage.

Divorce is not compulsory in cases of spiritual or sexual adultery. If the spouse cheats, it is tragic, but not hopeless. There is forgiveness and restoration of a relationship, but it is a long road. If you have broken out of the marriage, you cannot expect the other person to simply forgive you and love you again. Reconciliation only has a chance with complete understanding and radical breaking off of an extraneous relationship. Forgiveness is not a doormat on which you clean your shoes and then step back into the dirt. For children, it is a huge break-up when a parent cheats. Anyway: If you want to be a good parent, take more care of your spouse than your child. Do you want to show your love to your child? Love your spouse! When children see daddy and mommy standing together, it gives them security and confidence, which are the best additions on the way to healthy personalities.

So in the Old Testament there was no connection between adultery and divorce. What then made divorce legitimate? We do not know. Jesus says: «Moses allowed divorce because your hearts are hard, but originally it was not God’s will»(Matthew 19:8 NLB). In a marriage, an indissoluble lifelong covenant and sometimes hard hearts face each other. Unfortunately, they are sometimes so hard that divorce is the better way. Hard hearts show themselves in an unwillingness to give in or forgive. A hard heart can be so brutal. Not only physically. Sometimes the emotional and psychological strangling of the other is even worse. Divorce is an emergency order of God, a distortion of the covenant. It is meant to protect the disordered life from even greater evil.

Divorce letter

Jesus refers to the institution of the letter of divorce in this passage. This letter was not a free letter, but a letter of protection. It had a prophylactic and a caring component.

The divorce letter prevented a man from dismissing his wife lightly and arbitrarily. In a proper court hearing, the case was discussed and the reasons scrutinised. Jesus teaches us a divorce policy that is more restrictive than the liberal position of Rabbi Hillel, which was influential in Judaism at the time. All the more he challenges us to invest a lot in marriage and to fight for it. One couple, on their Iron Wedding Anniversary, when asked how they had made it so long together, replied: «We were born into a time when people fixed broken things instead of throwing them away.«Again and again I hear from married couples who have gone through serious crises, but have found their way back with external help. This should not happen only when the dice for ending the marriage have already been cast deep in the heart. As seetal chile we want to offer help through courses and personal accompaniment. And – very important: We want to support you in getting to know Jesus better. Only He can teach you to love.

However, the divorce letter also served to protect the divorced woman, that she was not considered fair game. God is always on the side of the weak and neglected, therefore the husband was obliged to continue to support the wife even after the divorce. It is a very great concern of mine that especially people in or after divorce also experience dignity and appreciation in the seetal chile. Dear divorced people: You are not failed people just because your marriage failed. Even if marriages and families cannot simply be restored, you can experience forgiveness and healing. Forgiveness always includes the possibility of a new beginning.

An interesting observation is found in Jeremiah 3:8. Although God wants a lifelong marriage relationship, he issues Israel a certificate of divorce for adultery and sends them away. Jesus also assumes that divorce exists, otherwise he would not talk about it. It is always to be understood as an emergency order and not as God’s original intention.

What about remarriage then? «But I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, except for fornication, and marry another, committeth adultery; and whosoever marrieth a woman put away committeth adultery.»(Matthew 19:9 ELB). This passage says that whoever divorces without justification is actually still married to the former partner. In such a case, remarriage is adultery, but not because the marriage would be indissoluble, but because one is actually still married. God’s grace and forgiveness is above broken relationships. There is forgiveness even for people whose marriage has failed. Losing a relationship is painful. But even worse: losing yourself because of a relationship.

«Marriage: an absurd invention that can only exist through the infinite grace of God»(Gabriel Garcia Marquez). Why does Jesus tighten the screw on divorce and remarriage compared to Moses? Because he helps us. He is the faithful one. Through his help and grace, his faithfulness can become our virtue. All evil, including fornication and adultery, comes from the heart. David prayed: «God, create in me a pure heart and give me a new, sincere spirit»(Psalm 51:12 NLB). Through metamorphosis, the hard heart is changed into a new heart. This opens up completely new possibilities and a new responsibility. Let Jesus change you and dance to his music!