Marriage after the heart of God
Series: Welcome home | Bible text: Corinthians 13:13
God created marriage as a gift for us humans. What are the challenges of marriage? And what do man and woman do to make a marriage last – until death do us part? What is the position of husband and wife in the Christian community? There are marriage courses lasting several weeks. A couple is prepared for marriage in several meetings. And now I am supposed to present a sermon in 25 minutes that appeals to as many as possible and enriches and changes marriages?!
To begin, I will do a brief review of the creation of man and woman; then a few thoughts on the topic: Marriage according to the heart of God. Then we will ask ourselves two questions: What are the challenges of marriage? And: What do man and woman do to make a marriage last – until death do them part? Finally, some facts from Paul on the position of the man and the woman in the church.
Basis
«And God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; and created them male and female». (Genesis 1:27 LU). God created us humans to be his counterpart. One could also say into his presence. We are to be like him, as beings with free will and the power of decision. «Then the LORD God made man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life. And so man became a living being». (Genesis 2:7 LU). So it wasn’t that God snapped his fingers and then the man stood before him! He formed him from head to toe! There was no detail missing, even the six-packs were there! Then God goes on and builds the woman. «And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him.» (Genesis 2:18 LU). «I will make him a help» can be misunderstood twice: The woman stands not over the man in the sense of «Oh, the poor, needy man needs a strong woman on his side»; and, on the other hand, also not thought that the man generally degrades the woman to an auxiliary. The perfection of the two human beings created by God lies in their togetherness!
«Then the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he fell asleep. And he took one of his ribs, and closed up the place with flesh. And the LORD God built a woman from the rib which he took from the man, and brought her to him.» (Genesis 2:21–22 LU). In this description, a few things are remarkable: The woman is created from a part of the man! This alone connects the two different beings with each other. God formed the man very well and built the woman very well and also formed her ingeniously! On this basis, we hold the following: God intended man and woman to be two different sexes, in two different body shapes. Men are different from women, they are built differently according to their responsibilities and tasks and endowed with different gifts. Both man and woman are equal and worthy of God to be his image. Both are created to be a counterpart to each other. They complement each other in a way that could not be better. What has been stated in this way applies in principle to the coexistence of men and women in general in everyday life, in the workplace and in society. On this basis, I would like to say to all of you, dear men and women: You are very valuable, whether single, married, widowed or divorced! You are all invaluable, also here in the congregation. You women are good for us men, you men are good for the women here, without one or the other group we would be missing very, very much!
Marriage after the heart of God
God did not leave the created couple to themselves, not even after the Fall. He comes back into the garden and wants to see how they are doing! I am convinced that God is interested in how you are doing in your marriages! Because marriage was his idea! That’s why he cares about your marriages! Even at the creation of man and woman, God had the family in focus. That is why his mission: «Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it». (Genesis 1:28 LU). Marriage is profoundly life-giving! I don’t just mean that in terms of childbearing! As a couple you care for each other. Both partners help each other to develop and grow. Unfortunately, marriage has been devalued more and more in recent years. And it is visibly becoming less and less valued. People have more and more respect for a marriage covenant, for two reasons:
- The fact that today more than every third marriage fails and is dissolved is unsettling. In addition, many have already had a failed relationship.
- The very high expectations of marriage are also unsettling. Life is supposed to offer us so much. Influenced by the media, we are never desireless. After all, the spouse should satisfy my needs. And then I have my own interests and leisure activities that I also want to hold on to. And above all, there is the pressure of the job, of work.
At some point, the question also comes up: «Can I manage to be with one and the same partner for at least half a century?» That’s infinite! One is afraid of that. And indeed, many marriages are still divorced when the children have left home. But I am all the more pleased by the fact that, despite everything, more young people want to get married again and start a family.
What are the challenges of a successful Christian marriage?
a) It takes years to get to know each other really well. Behavioural patterns or habits that are new to you – both positive and negative – crop up in your partner from time to time. It’s important to talk about it! Talk and talk again – and never give up. Never give up on each other! If something is bothering you about your partner, take it upon yourself to work on it. Do it on the basis of gratitude and give thanks again and again for all the good things you have already experienced as a couple. Giving thanks not only makes the problems smaller, but helps work through things that want to come between you like a wedge. Please never sponge over them or sweep them under the carpet. Otherwise you will create insurmountable mountains. And if the two of you can’t get things under control, seek help as soon as possible.
b) A common spiritual life! Men, hand on heart: Do you know if your wives ever read the Bible in their daily lives? Do you women have any idea if and when your husbands pray? «No, no idea!» If that is your answer, then ask them today, and at the same time ask them if you should not dare to start a Bible reading and prayer time together again!
c) Another challenge of married couples is to have a fulfilling sex life over the years. We live in a time when sex is no longer taboo. Sexuality is an omnipresent topic. It is being hyped up by the media. That influences it. And yet married couples today still find it difficult to talk openly and honestly about the most intimate moments of their marriage with their partner. Here, too, it is not possible without talking to each other.
d) The husband, like the wife, both will come across people from time to time who have exactly the qualities and advantages that his spouse does not have. There is a great danger that the devil will sow secret desires in your heart that will ferment there. When the flirtation becomes a fire and the alarm bells light up, it is often already too late!
What Jesus says about this is clearly understandable: «Whoever looks at a woman to desire her has already broken marriage with her in his heart». (Matthew 5:28 LU). Therefore: Wehrten den Anfängen! The only thing that helps is a lifetime of great openness. Secrecy can quickly become sinister! If you are able to talk honestly and openly about your feelings towards the opposite sex with your partner, you take away any chance of adultery. If a man openly tells his wife that this or that woman fascinates him, he takes away the power of temptation and this frees him to be careful and keep his distance from this woman. Conversely, if your wife openly enthuses about the qualities and beauties of another man, then secrecy has no chance – but listen carefully, maybe you can improve something about yourself! Both partners have to be careful that they do not want to press their counterpart into the profile of a dream man or woman.
What do man and woman do to make a marriage last – until death do them part?
a) If the parents both educate their children; both Exercise responsibility for school matters; and both tell the children Bible stories and pray with them.
b) Aim stubbornly to celebrate time as a couple again and again. Plan marriage evenings and organise early, weekends and holidays that you spend just the two of you.
c) Mutual friends. Good relationships with families whose children are around the same age as yours. Good relationships with singles, single parents and widows.
d) Participation in the community. Plan together, who could help where and when? Maybe even a joint cooperation in music, in a choir or theatre group will open up!
e) The phase of growing older must be well prepared by a couple. What do we do when the children have left home? Plan together. Talk about wishes and dreams, give each other the freedom for your own hobby, e.g. education (attending lectures), games and sports, reading. Rosmarie and I sing together in a gospel choir; with friends I like to play pétanque, tennis and football matches are more my personal TV programmes.
e) Always accept yourself, even if your body is getting older, your memory sometimes lets you down or a health problem gets in the way.
Position of the man and the woman in the community
On Christian marriage, Paul’s comments in Ephesians chapter 5 are valuable: «Willingly submit to one another out of respect for Christ.… » (Ephesians 5:21 NL). Before Paul addresses the wives, he emphasises that we should all submit to one another. What does that mean? Take the other person seriously, his or her thinking, his or her feeling, his or her being like this – even if everything is completely different from your way! We are different and that is good. We were created to complement each other. To submit to one another means to respect the other more than oneself. Paul now instructs the wives to submit to their husbands: «You wives are to submit to your husbands as you submit to the Lord. For the husband is the head of his wife, as Christ is the head of his body – the church – for which he gave his life to save her. Just as the church submits to Christ, you wives should also submit to your husbands in everything!»(Ephesians 5:22–24 NL) That is strong! They can’t do that and they don’t want to! But let’s just keep the comparison: Christ as the head of the church thinks and cares for the church so that it can reach the goal and develop in a glorious way. The congregation must listen to Jesus and stay connected to him.
Subordination would thus be for the woman: she enjoys that the man takes care of her, she listens to her husband, respects him, tries to understand him and stays connected to him. Most arguments often disregard this aspect; one only wants to assert oneself against the man and be right.
And now for the men: «And you, husbands love your wives with the same love with which Christ also loved the church.» (Ephesians 5:25 NL). This is even stronger. Now it is already Jesus whom they are to take as an example. Here, too, one could say: They can’t do that! That’s the hammer! Now I would have to ask the wives: Do you feel something of this supernatural, divine love of your husbands? Paul also has another comparison in store for the men: «In the same way, husbands must love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man also loves himself when he loves his wife. No one hates his own body, but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, that is, for the church. And we belong to his body» (Ephesians 5:28–30 NL). A woman who is so loved and so honoured listens willingly to her husband and gives love back. The love that husbands give to their wives comes back to them. Such a marriage covenant is marked by forgiveness, by the willingness to start over and marked by trust in God, who always gives us what we need for our spouse. Paul concludes this passage from chapter 5 with a repetition: «Therefore, I say again that every husband should love his wife as he loves himself, and that the wife should respect and esteem her husband.» (Ephesians 5:33 NL). Healthy marriages are a blessing from God. They are the foundation for a healthy church and a healthy nation.
Possible questions for the small groups
Read the Bible text: Corinthians 13:13
- How do you experience the coexistence of men and women in everyday life, in society, at work and in the community?
- Do the women present experience appreciation or humiliation in everyday life?
- Is the cry for women’s quotas justified, and if so, when?
- Can individuals or couples share what has become important and valuable to them in the sermon?
- Can you add anything to the two questions: what is important for a successful marriage and what is helpful for a lasting, faithful long-term relationship?
- What more could the church do for singles, single parents, divorced people, widows?
